When two persons are
dating, they claim to be in love with each other. At the initial stages of the
their relationship, they get so fond of each other that one will almost
conclude that nothing can come between them. The two persons will look like
they were joined together from heaven. After a little while, their love will begin
to decline as they will now see themselves as mistakes in each others lives.
This is usually very embarrassing because it rubbishes the whole idea of love.
This had happened to so many relationships and is still happening to many on
daily bases and most people have not taken conscious effort to see how they can
avoid the re-occurrence of this. If you ask some people to tell what they feel
is responsible for this, they might tell you its insincerity. But that is not true;
the truth is that people don’t usually start a relationship with the mind of
ending up in an embarrassing and disappointing way.
I
think people’s love for each other at the beginning of most relationships is
usually genuine. It is the criteria upon which they establish their
relationships that is the problem. These are what I call “stings”. They are the
things that attract people to each other and are suppose to be strong enough to
sustain the relationship even in marriage. They are supposed to keep people
loving themselves despite the challenges that may come their way. It’s risky
for people to start developing strong feelings for each other over things that
cannot sustain the relationship. It is
not enough for a guy to start developing strong feelings for a lady just
because she looks beautiful and attractive. Such things usually have temporal
effect on men and are stronger when the man is in a sexual mood. In such a
situation, before the guy starts building unnecessary feeling for a lady, he
should first assess himself to know if his feelings are genuine or he is just
being driven by sexual urge. People should look for compatibility in
personality, purpose, career, aspirations and moral principles before thinking
of a serious relationship.
When there is compatibility in these areas of
their lives, then they can say that the strings binding them in the
relationship are strong enough to sustain the relationship. The most important of
all are the moral principles guiding both parties. It’s true that we all have
different up bringing, but that is not enough for us to just attach ourselves
to anybody we come across. The person may not agree 100% with all your
principles, but should at least accept 60-70% of them and be able to cope with
the remaining 40-30%. Another area to look at before going deep into a
relationship is a person’s weakness. It is agreed that there is nobody that is
perfect, but the person’s weaknesses should not be the types that will send you
to early grave or constantly make you unhappy. Don’t look at things that give
you temporal pleasure and ignore the ones that will alter your destiny
negatively. The person’s weaknesses should be the types that do not have any
serious effect on you even when you will frown at them, they should be things
you can easily overlook.
I’m
not saying you should start lying to yourself here; be very sincere about it. Some persons will say that you can never know
a person’s weaknesses because people usually pretend at the initial stages of relationship,
which is not true; it is only those who lie to themselves in relationship that
say people pretend. Pretence only works on pretenders. For instance, a lady who
decides to marry a lover of alcohol cannot not say her husband was pretending
if she later finds out that the man is a chronic womanizer. Common sense should
have told her that alcoholism and womanizing go hand-in-hand. A woman who
decides to date a guy who squanders all his salary on her the moment he
receives it does no’t need anybody to tell her that he is the wasteful type.
Most ladies develop strong affection
for guys who lavish money on them but fail to realize that a time will come
when the money will not be enough to keep them happy and fulfilled in the
relationship. So the summary of the whole thing is that you should establish
your relationship on those criteria that will be able to take you through all
the storms in the relationship.
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