PARENTING

What the vast majority of nowadays children need is to stop being pampered, stop being indulged, stop being chauffeured, stop being catered to. In the final analysis it is not what you do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings. – Ann Landers Columnist.

          There is a story of Picasso’s mother who was most ambitious for him. She told him if he were to become a soldier that he would be a general and if he were to become a monk he would end up as a pope. But alas, he become a painter and end up Picasso. 

Such is an enormous influence of parents. “What the world needs is not romantics lovers but husbands and wives who willingly give their time and attention to their children. – Margaret Mead. 

Although their guidelines for effective parenting as reveal in this write-up, a number of influential factors are beyond control (for example societal influence, peers, genetics, economics, health etc).

          ROLES INVOLVED IN PARENTING

Although one definition of parenting is difficult, there is general agreement about the roles parent play in the lives of their children. New parents assume at least seven roles which I analyzed here.

1.     Caregiver: A major role of parent is the physical care of their children. From moment of birth, when infants draw their first breath, parent stand ready to provide nourishment (milk), cleanliness (diapers), and temperature control (warm blanket). 

The need for such sustained care continues and becomes an accepted and anticipated role of parents. Who accuse themselves early from a party because they “need to check on the baby” they are alerting the hostess of commitment to the role of caregiver.
 

2.     Teacher: All parents think they have the philosophy of life of set principles their children will benefit from. Parents parent later discover that their children may not be interested in their religion or philosophy – indeed, they may rebel against it. 

This possibility does not deter them from their role as a teacher. Children are forever learning from their parents, more often by  observing their behavior; parents also feel that their role is made more difficult by an increasingly liberal society.

 One of the biggest problem confronting parents today is the social influence on their children. These include drugs and alcohol; peer pressure, TV, internet, and movies; crime and gangs.

3.     Emotional resource: Beyond providing physical care, parent are sensitive to the emotional needs of children in terms of their need to belong, to be loved, and to develop positive self-concepts. In hugging, holding and kissing  an infants, parents not only express their love for the infants but also reflect an awareness that such display of emotion is good for the child’s sense of self-worth. Kouros et al(2008) found that children exhibit increased emotional insecurity when their parents are in conflict or depression. The family context is the emotion context for children. Strife or depression does not occur without a negative effect on the children.  

4.     Ritual bearer: To build a sense of family cohesiveness, parents often foster ritual to binds members together in emotion and in memory. Prayer at meal and before bed time, birthday celebrations, and vacationing at the same place (beach, mountains, and so on) provide predictable times of togetherness and sharing.  

5.     Economic resource: new parents are also actually aware of the costs for medical care, food, and clothes for infants and seek ways to ensure that  such resources are available to their children. 

Working longer hours, taking second jobs and cutting back on leisure expenditures are attempt to ensure that money is available to meet the need of the child. Sometimes to ensure that money for the family has negative consequence for the children. 

Rapoport and Le Bourdais (2008) investigated the effects of parents working schedules on the time they devote to their children and confirmed that the more parents worked, the less time they spent with their children. In view of extensive work schedules,  parents are under pressure to spend “quality” time with their children , and it is implied that putting children in day care robs children off this time. 

Although the mothers of children in day care spent less time with their children than the mothers who care for their children at home. Parents provide an economic resource for their children by providing free room and board for them. Some young adults continue to live with their parents well into adulthood and times such as following a divorce, job loss and so on.

6.     Health pro motion: the family is a major agent for health promotion. Children learning from the family context about healthy food. Indeed, one­-third of children of now a days are overweight. A major causes of  overweight children is parents who do not teach healthy food choices, let their children watch TV all day, and are bad models ( eat junk food and don’t exercise). Health promotion also involves sunburn protection, responsible use of alcohol, and safe driving skills.

7.     Protector: parents also feel the need to protect their children from harm. This role may begin in pregnancy. Vast majority of  the woman reduce the smoking behavior during pregnancy while some even stop smoking behavior during pregnancy. 

Other expression  of the protection role include insisting that  children wear seat belts, protecting them from violence or nudity in the media, and protecting them from strangers.